Question

legacy - the school of sport sciences (tutor) english iii 2026
correct modifiers and concise wording

eliminate wordiness in writing

1 it amazes me that a week ago, only seven days prior to the big event, i was so worried that my camp presentation on conservation would be a big flop. 2 a teacher once told me that if you grab the audiences attention at the very beginning, theyll be hooked. 3 she was right. 4 i began my presentation by showing how a solar cell and a simple wire powered by the sun could use the suns powerful rays to make a fan spin.

what is the best revision of sentence 4?

• using a simple wire and a solar cell, i began by showing how to use the suns powerful rays to make a fan spin.
• i began by using a solar cell and a simple wire powered by the suns rays to use the suns power and make a fan spin.

Explanation:

🆕 New Concept Discovered: Eliminating Wordiness and Redundancy
Removing repetitive ideas to make sentences clear and direct.

Step 1: Analyze the original sentence

Let's look closely at sentence 4 in the passage:

"[4] I began my presentation by showing how a solar cell and a simple wire powered by the sun could use the sun's powerful rays to make a fan spin."

This sentence contains significant redundancy (unnecessary repetition of the same idea):

• It mentions "powered by the sun" and then immediately says "could use the sun's powerful rays". Both phrases refer to the exact same source of energy (solar power).

To make the sentence concise, we need to eliminate this repetition while keeping the original meaning intact.

Step 2: Evaluate the given options

• Option 1: "Using a simple wire and a solar cell, I began by showing how to use the sun's powerful rays to make a fan spin."
• Analysis: This option removes the repetitive phrase "powered by the sun" and keeps only "the sun's powerful rays." It is clear, direct, and eliminates the wordiness of the original sentence.

• Option 2: "I began by using a solar cell and a simple wire powered by the sun's rays to use the sun's power and make a fan spin."
• Analysis: This option keeps the redundancy by using both "powered by the sun's rays" and "use the sun's power" in the same sentence.

Answer:

Using a simple wire and a solar cell, I began by showing how to use the sun's powerful rays to make a fan spin.