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Question
read the following excerpt from a student essay. how can the writer best improve his or her organization? in the 1800s, egrets were hunted in the united states for their long white plumes (feathers). as a result, the birds were nearly wiped out completely. thankfully, conservation measures were put in place, and the birds were protected. in fact, in recent years, egrets have expanded their range northward, moving beyond their original habitat in the american south. the egret is a large white bird that lives near marshes, lakes, ponds, and other wetland areas. by providing the description of egrets when they are first introduced by removing the sentence about the egrets expanded range
The passage first talks about egrets' past - being hunted and then protected, but only later describes what an egret is. It would be more organized to introduce what an egret is at the start. Removing the range - expansion sentence doesn't solve the main organization problem.
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by providing the description of egrets when they are first introduced