Question

analyzing & revising
directions: read and analyze each thesis statement. list what is incorrect in the middle column and write a revised statement in the column on the right.
poor thesis
this paper will examine and explain what makes a good leader.
high school has many important parts. one is learning from your mistakes.
when experiencing a drought, it is important to conserve water.
whats incorrect?
(some text here is unclear due to image quality)
revised thesis
(some text here is unclear due to image quality)

Explanation:

1. For the first poor thesis: It only states the paper's intent without making a specific, arguable claim about what defines a good leader. A strong thesis needs a clear, defendable position.
2. For the second poor thesis: It is vague and fragmented. It does not present a focused argument about why learning from mistakes is a critical part of high school, nor does it tie the idea to a larger claim about high school's purpose.
3. For the third poor thesis: It is a generic, widely accepted fact rather than a debatable thesis. It does not take a specific stance or outline a unique angle (like specific conservation strategies, or the impact of targeted conservation on local ecosystems).

Answer:

POOR THESIS	WHAT'S INCORRECT?	REVISED THESIS
High school has many important parts. One is learning from your mistakes.	Vague, fragmented, no focused argument.	Learning from mistakes is the most critical part of high school, as it builds resilience and critical thinking skills that prepare students for post-secondary and professional challenges.
When experiencing a drought, it is important to conserve water.	Is a generic fact, not a debatable claim.	During severe droughts, mandatory residential water restrictions (capping outdoor use at 1 hour weekly) are the most effective way to conserve local water supplies and protect vulnerable aquatic ecosystems.