Question

read the sentence from a students critical analysis essay.

in the declaration of independence, thomas jefferson talks about independence through his use of big words and fancy argument skills.

which is the best revision to the sentence?

thomas jefferson put difficult words and strong argumentative abilities to work when he wrote the declaration of independence.
in the declaration of independence, thomas jefferson uses his command of the english language to make a powerful argument for american independence.
thomas jefferson uses fanciful words and great arguments to make a case for american independence in the declaration of independence.
in the declaration of independence, thomas jefferson talks using sophisticated words to make a good case so that britain will give americans their independence.

Explanation:

Analyze the original sentence for style and tone

The original sentence uses informal, non-academic phrasing such as "talks about," "big words," and "fancy argument skills," which are inappropriate for a critical analysis essay.

Evaluate the revision options for academic register

• Option 1: "put difficult words and strong argumentative abilities to work" remains colloquial and awkward.
• Option 2: "uses his command of the English language to make a powerful argument" replaces informal terms with precise, formal academic vocabulary ("command of the English language," "powerful argument").
• Option 3: "fanciful words and great arguments" uses imprecise and slightly informal vocabulary.
• Option 4: "talks using sophisticated words to make a good case" retains the informal verb "talks" and the conversational "make a good case."

Select the best academic revision

Option 2 is the only choice that successfully elevates the sentence to a formal, academic tone suitable for a critical analysis essay.

Answer:

• (A) Thomas Jefferson put difficult words and strong argumentative abilities to work when he wrote the Declaration of Independence.
• (B) In the Declaration of Independence, Thomas Jefferson uses his command of the English language to make a powerful argument for American independence. (Correct answer)
• (C) Thomas Jefferson uses fanciful words and great arguments to make a case for American independence in the Declaration of Independence.
• (D) In the Declaration of Independence, Thomas Jefferson talks using sophisticated words to make a good case so that Britain will give Americans their independence.